In Shakespearean Monologue About Frozen Scallops and Free Will, Machiavellian Trickster Spike Mendelsohn Decries Bravo’s “Trickery at Its Best”

As apparently free of irony as he was of hats in this interview, Spike—who, if you will remember, engaged in trickery during the block-party and boxed-lunch challenges—railed against (presumably) the show’s producers for providing frozen scallops, calling the move “trickery at its best.” Yes, possums, we also wondered whether he ducked to avoid the lightning bolt coming his way after that statement. Is it any wonder that Anthony Bourdain predicts a bright future in politics for Spike?

Perhaps the most interesting statement of all (alas, sadly clipped by Bravo) was this tidbit about Lisa Fernandes: “You know, she came for a job at my restaurant [Mai House] two days before we flew over here [to film the show], ironically.”

Ah, there; he’s recovered his sense of irony. Is the irony sharpened, we wondered, by the rumor that Spike was fired from Mai House and replaced by none other than Lisa Fernandes?

Refried Been There, Done That: Lisa Fernandes

[Possums, there are posts that sometimes seem premature, as later events make them more topical than when originally published. For this reason, we have decided to inaugurate a "Refried Been There, Done That" feature. To start, we have this post on Lisa Fernandes, originally published on March 12.]

Lisa Fernandes: Canadian. Christian Siriano Fan. Self-Proclaimed Bitch. Dirty, Dirty Girl. What's Not to Like?

Really, possums, just take a look at the testimonials:

Dale Talde: “Lisa, without a doubt…[,] had the worst fucking attitude ever. She was just negative…She'd tell people when she was gassy….”

Manuel “Memo” Treviño: “Lisa [has the worst attitude this season].”

Evangelos “Spike” Mendelsohn: “I’d have to say Lisa [has the worst attitude this season]. She’s a very angry person….[She has the worst personal hygiene.] Gotta wash that bandana, you know what I mean?”

Lesbian with an attitude. Fellows that were in the mood.

To be bitchy.

Oh, wait.

Lisa Fernandes: “I’m rude. I’m a bitch.”

Well, that would seem to settle that. So imagine our surprise when we saw what she told AfterEllen.com about the experience of being on Top Chef:

“People are like, ‘Oh, you’re on a reality TV show,’ but that’s not what it is. It’s not about finding out the gossip, or putting people in stupid situations to see who sleeps with whom and who beats who up.”

Oh, possum. Clearly, you never saw Season 2. Or Season 3. Or read this blog.

Perhaps underneath the gassy, mushroom-flinging, sweaty-bandana’d surface, she’s just a nice, idealistic Canadian girl?