The Fabio Viviani Top Chef Audition Video; Warning: Many “Beat Your Meat” Jokes Within

Possum Communiqué

Well, possums, thus endeth the season that established the FCC is apparently ok with “pussy” and “twat” airing on basic cable, the season of interesting personalities and not-so-interesting food.

On a personal note, it was also the season that proved once and for all that our fan favorite endorsement is the kiss of death. For Season 6, we will be accepting cash and gifts from cheftestants in order not to endorse them for fan favorite.

Now that the season is over, posting will be much lighter, as and when the spirit moves us. We are working on a couple of interviews for you, and will post them when they’re ready. We haven’t yet decided whether we will blog Marco Pierre White’s new show, Chopping Block, but we will most definitely keep our claws in working order for Top Chef Masters when it airs. (And look for us on Twitter, where we are sure to spend far too much time.)

Mil gracias, vielen Dank, and merci to you, the possums, for reading, commenting, and sending in tips and piquant (often salacious) rumors (and photographs). (And as the casting and other preparations for Season 6 get underway, please continue to send those in.)

Mientras tanto, hasta la próxima….

It’s Not Delivery, It’s Viviani: Fabio to Shill for Italian Frozen Pizza Made by German Corporation

So sayeth the press release, announcing that “Fabio Viviani will act as American spokesperson for Italy’s number one selling frozen pizza,” Dr. Oetker’s “Ristorante” brand. Now, possums, we have no shame in admitting that we had never before heard of that undoubtedly storied Italian, Dr. Oetker, so we turned to the Internet.

According to Wikipedia, Dr. Oetker is a German company founded in 1891 by the eponymous Herrdoktor, who chose Nazi Party member Richard Kaselowsky as company leader in 1920. “In 1937, the company received the title of Nationalsozialistischer Musterbetrieb, or national-socialist model company, by the German Labour Front…. The company participates in the Forced/Slave Labor Compensation Fund, an organization of German industries taking responsibility for slave labour during the Second World War.”

It cannot be said strongly enough, however, that none of this is unique to Dr. Oetker as a company. After all, other highly reputable modern brands have Nazi associations in their corporate pasts. For example, historian Neil Gregor wrote a book on Daimler-Benz that found “a close association between the car manufacturer and the Nazi system” and established that “the company acquiesced in the exploitation of forced labor.” And yet no one has a problem buying a Merc, and in 1998 Daimler-Benz merged with the All-American Chrysler Corporation.

Nowadays, Dr. Oetker is apparently a multinational corporation with a good reputation in corporate responsibility and environmental matters. And somehow frozen pizza is now part of the empire, however odd it seems. Indeed, the German television ad below reflects that cognitive dissonance.

The Fabio “will participate in a five-city media tour this summer to introduce the favorite brand of thin-crust pizza lovers throughout Europe and Canada to consumers in the northeastern United States.” So if you live in the Northeast, you know what to look for, possums.

The Moment Hosea Won

Consummate New Yorker Mr. Cutlets Thinks “Top Chef” Did Very Wrong by NYC

Now that the season is over, Josh “Mr. Cutlets” Ozersky—lover of the Lucullan, heterosexualist high priest of the hamburger, and sybaritic singer of the porcine pleasures that the citizens of New York are heirs to—laments what the producers of Top Chef have done (or, rather, not done) to his city:

The biggest disappointment by far — by far! — was having the show in New York, and then not doing anything with the local resources. This season could just as easily have been shot in Moonachie. Where was the visit to Katz’s? Or Flushing Chinatown? Or the run-in with David Chang? Le Bernardin may well be the best restaurant in America, but it’s not what you would call a “New York restaurant.” Every week should have brought in a real New York chef and a real New York locale. How could Top Chef, which did such good work in Chicago and Miami, not know this?

Despite the new authority conferred on him by “the disease of kings,” we disagree with his assessment of the show’s use of Chicago, but as far as New York is concerned, he is spot on. For all we know, the show was probably shot in Toronto, which so often stands in for New York (but even there they have a great food scene). As for the rest of his criticisms and suggestions, read the full corrido de Cutlets and tell us what you think.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!-sea Wins

Well, possums, as we half suspected, the public "apology" and publicity rehabilitation of Hosea Rosenberg were indeed necessary because he was just revealed as the winner of this season of Top Chef. You cannot, after all, have a Top Chef whom America perceives as a cheater. We cannot harrumph loudly enough or roll our eyes violently enough.

Was It in the Cards?

Previews: Trash, Pigs, Condescension and Multiple Missed Product-Placement Opportunities--E, I, E, I, O

Radhika Desai's Restaurant and Briefest of Interviews

More Previews: Of Ruthless Castoffs and Low Self-Esteem in Women of a Certain Age

Stefan Richter: I Did Not Call That Woman, Ms. Lauren, a Douchebag!

In her recap of this season’s inaugural episode, our pal Lesley of Eater LA touched on the “this season on Top Chef” montage, in which Stefan Richter and Jamie Lauren are having a teensy bit of a discussion.

During the rapid montage, the word “douchebag” is uttered, and Ms. Lauren appears to take umbrage, presumably thinking, as does the audience, that it was directed at her. And so Lesley wrote, “…Stefan calls Jamie a douchebag.” (As an aside, we ought to note that Jamie falls far short on the Angry (Lesbian) scale as compared to last season—no chairs thrown, no trashcans kicked, no crotches grabbed.)

But Herr Richter has stepped forward to say, “ ‘Tain’t so.” Quoth Stefan: “by the way i did not call her a douchebag, i said i don't want to look like one.”

Fair enough. He wants to clear his name, and of course it’s a good thing that he didn’t resort to calling Jamie that. And yet we can’t help being the slightest bit disappointed. After all, what kind of reality television villain would disclaim these kind of legend-burnishing attributions, and so early in the game?

For of course he is being groomed by Bravo’s editors, and by Daniel Gagnon’s xenophobic insecurities, as this season’s villain (though in our book, idiocy can be much more villainous than competence). No matter; we like Stefan as a villain, even if the editors have to resort to the Eurovillain trope that runs from Henry James to the James Bond pictures to Alan Rickman in Die Hard and Anthony Hopkins in The Silence of the Lambs. Stefan is a savvy villain, and this tickles us. For one thing, he clearly plays to the camera and gives good “villain face.”

We’re certainly convinced. If we saw him in the supermarket produce section going through the fava beans and with a bottle of Chianti in his shopping cart, we’d definitely run the other way.

So alright, Stefan, possum. It’s fine to play nice, but not too nice, you hear?

Preview: Who Will Go Down on the Hot Dog Challenge?

Richard Sweeney’s Wistful Missed Manhattan Connection

Ah, the wonders of Craigslist, possums....Click to enlarge and reminisce.

Amuse-Biatch Photoessay: The Muppet Takes Manhattan, Er, Brooklyn

Drugs & Pies: What Is Bravo Trying to Tell Us with This Season's Theme?

Amuse-Biatch Programming Note: The Formation of Team Rainbow

The video clearly demonstrates that, as usual in the gay community, it was the lesbians doing the organizing while the twinks were off somewhere procuring booze or making coffee for scary-looking tops with German accents.

Bravo wasted no time in trying to capitalize on Team Rainbow (somebody in marketing give Jamie Lauren a job, stat) with t-shirts. In response, and overcome by a bout of civic-mindedness, the Gals have offered a host of brilliant marketing suggestions to Bravo. And now we have put our nonexistent Photoshop skills to the test to join our voices with theirs, but this time to address ourselves to NBC itself. NBC, like all the broadcast networks, is in desperate need of a hit. Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is no more, and Heroes is on life support. So why not take synergy to the next level and greenlight Team Rainbow as a midseason replacement? Picture it: a trio of gays with super powers who travel back in time to prevent disasters such as the passing of Proposition 8 in California, Michelle Obama’s Election Night dress, and Madonna’s discovery of Kabbalah.

STARRING:

















(Although, for obvious reasons, My Little Pony hairbrush not included with action figure).

Think about it, NBC. Save the male cheerleader, save the world. (Oh, and need we mention that Richard Sweeney was, in fact, a male cheerleader).

Amuse-Biatch Photoessay: The Chip on Eugene Villiatora's Shoulder About Culinary School Grows Too Heavy for Shoulder, Needs Its Own Cooler

Possum Bonus: Amuse-Biatch Heterosexual Thursday: Baltimore's Jill Snyder Gives You a Peek at Her Chesapeakes

Amuse-Biatch Photoessay: Padma’s Quantum of Solace to First Pykagged Cheftestant: “There’s a fairy waiting for you”

Amuse-Biatch Photoessay: Farro’s Daughter