Is There an Amuse-Biatch “Top Chef” Curse?

Well, possums, perhaps it serves us right for being so immodestly pleased that, as shown above, our endorsement of Carla Hall for the title of Fan Favorite (and its attendant prize of 10,000 scallop shells) is going to be shown on tomorrow night’s Reunion Show. Caught and held fast in the gauzy web born of the Gail Simmons giggles we inspired, we failed to think our usual pessimistic thoughts.

Fortunately, one of the properly cynical possums, watching the second video’s bit on the “birthday curse,” suggested that there might be an Amuse-Biatch curse as well, at least where Fan Favorites are concerned.

A curse? Sure, “fan site” is not exactly how we would refer to this endeavor (“cyber scratching post,” or “tiny, clawed fist shaken in the general direction of the aspirational reality tv panopticon” might be more to our liking), but a curse?

But the Santayana-quote-wielding possum was merciless in her remembrance of things past. We were reminded that during Season 2, we endorsed Carlos Fernandez, only to have him lose to Sam “Not That Guy” Talbot. During Season 3, we endorsed Dale Levitski, only to have the title won by Casey “Beaver Boots” Thompson, a title she might not win again if the voting were held today. During Season 4, we endorsed perhaps the biggest fan this website has ever had, self-proclaimed metrosexual and logorrhea sufferer, Ryan “Chicken Piccata” Scott, but the fans chose Stephanie Izard instead.

We must face the very real possibility, then, that in endorsing Carla for Fan Favorite we inadvertently doomed her chances of success, putting us in the company of none other than Dick Cheney. Just great. Why, oh why, didn’t we endorse Ariane “Silencer of the Lambs” Duarte? Why?

The Facebook Updates That Signaled Impending Doom; Also, Toby Young on Caseygate: A “Pretty Shocking Rant”

Yesterday, Pegasus News posted the updates from Casey Thompson’s Facebook page that seem to indicate in real time her growing frustration with being portrayed as a scapegoat for Carla Hall’s loss:

Asked about the snowballing controversy, Toby Young told CelebTV.com:

“It’s a pretty shocking rant. The judges don’t see what goes on behind the scenes, so I don’t know if what she says is true.”

But, as Miss XaXa is quick to remind us, Texas girls have a temper, and don’t take kindly to attack or loss.

The Response to Casey Thompson’s Response

From the SideDish blog of D Magazine.

Casey Thompson Responds--Again

From Casey Thompson's blog.

Talk of the Hootie Nation: Carla Hall Speaks to the Adoring Masses

Miss Carla was a guest on National Public Radio's show, Talk of the Nation, where she reveals that even her family thought she was being too nice, and defends Tom Colicchio from charges of insincerity.

Meowza! Beaver Boots Doesn't Return the Hootie Love

In an interview with D Magazine, Casey Thompson tears into Carla. You have to read the whole thing to get the full flavor, but here are a few tidbits:

Carla was not prepared and in over her head. The show did not talk about how the first course (crab) took her half of the friggin’ cooking time that day, I was left to work the rest of HER dishes....

And where in the hell did french come from!? She is not even classically trained! It (the show) didn’t talk about how I worked on a sauce for 2 days and Carla forgot to put it on the plate… It didn’t show how the 2nd course (fish) was MINE....

I am done with TC. I did not influence her. She has NO ideas of her own, oh, except a cheese course.


What is left to say, possums? Just wow.

UPDATE:

Earlier, we posted only excerpts from Casey’s statements to D Magazine out of professional courtesy, but in the interim, the magazine's server has gone down several times, the article has been flooded with comments, a person claiming to be a friend of Casey’s posted that Casey realizes she went too far in making those statements, and now the post appears (at least temporarily) unavailable. For that reason, below please find the full text of Casey’s statements:

"Carla was not prepared and in over her head. The show did not talk about how the first course (crab) took her half of the friggin’ cooking time that day, I was left to work the rest of HER dishes.

She also did not have a plan. The ONLY thing she had in mind was a cheese course! I would NEVER do a cheese course. And where in the hell did french come from!? She is not even classically trained! It (the show) didn’t talk about how I worked on a sauce for 2 days and Carla forgot to put it on the plate… It didn’t show how the 2nd course (fish) was MINE. It didn’t show how she took the sous vide idea and decided to GRILL it last minute causing it to be tough… And it didn’t show how she WANTED to do the souffles which she does not even know how to make! That was HER food, because it certainly was me asking her how she wanted to do this and that while she was busy picking crab the entire time and making a souffle that didn’t rise!

I am done with TC. I did not influence her. She has NO ideas of her own, oh, except a cheese course."

Hootie Nation Weeps as Carla Hall’s Rise Deflated by “No”-fflé, Voodoo Double Curse

What was meant to be a blue cheese soufflé curdled into a “no”-fflé, and likewise our sense and reason have curdled into a bubbling, grief-studded, superstitious inquiry into why some things fail to rise. (And no, we’re not taking “egg whites and a too-hot oven” as an answer.)

After tossing and turning our voices-filled head on our tinfoil pillow, having nightmares of Hosea Rosenberg and Tom Colicchio holding up cans of Diet Coke and those little gold homunculi from the king cakes, an answer came to us.

It was nothing less than a voodoo double curse (though, of course, the producers tried to throw us off the scent by showing us a voodoo lady so incompetent that she suggested Jamie Lauren might yet be Stefan Richter’s girlfriend; mind you, if voodoo ladies have the power to turn lesbians into straight girls, then Jerry Falwell and Fred Phelps are going to be in a sticky bind).

Much as it pains us, since we genuinely like Casey “Beaver Boots” Thompson, we have no choice but to pronounce her the first voodoo curse of this finale. And it isn’t as if this is a new idea. Back in August of 2007, during Season 3, we had already dubbed her the “Typhoid Mary” of Top Chef, since everyone who became friendly with her was immediately eliminated from the competition.

And as for the second voodoo curse, well, we learnt yesterday that Carla once cooked for Dick Cheney. Need we say more?

With this kind of bad magic, Hootie never stood a chance.

Third Mystery Helper Elf Revealed! (We Think)

As you may remember, possums, at the end of last night’s episode, Tom Colicchio promised the remaining three finalists that they would have help for the final challenge, and for a split second we got a shot of three shadowy figures advancing through an archway. And no, it wasn’t a Watchmen promo, but there is a cartoon character involved.

At the far right is Richard Blais, one of last season’s runners-up. In the middle is Casey Thompson, one of Season 3’s runners-up (her presence is confirmed here). The most inscrutable of the shades is at the far left. At first, something about the slightly pigeon-toed walk suggested Sam Talbot, but the figure isn’t tall enough to be That Guy. We briefly considered Ilan, at the risk of our sanity. But then we remembered something we had read a few weeks ago, and it all made sense.

Now, our money’s on Season 2 runner-up Marcel Vigneron. It makes a certain kind of thematic sense for Wolverine to return--runners-up from past seasons, vous voyez? And then the details of the slightly bouffant hairdo seemed to fill themselves in. And this item from the New Orleans Times-Picayune would seem to clinch it:

Turns out some colleagues here at the paper are such big “Top Chef” fans they trekked to Commander's [Palace] on Thursday, Jan. 15, hoping to catch a glimpse of the [finale] action. They snapped [a] picture of Marcel Vigneron, runner-up in the reality show's second season. Vigneron told my friends that past contestants were involved in the episode being filmed at Commander's.

Q.E.D, possums, Q.E.D. Unless, of course, it’s someone else.

Amuse-Biatch Heterosexual Monday: Casey Thompson Gets “Horny” While Playing Peekaboob on the Beach

Oh, don’t mind the headline, possums. Season 3 finalist Casey Thompson, pictured here on a recent jaunt to the beach in the Hamptons, is, as we know all too well, nothing if not a good sport. Says she: “Hey, give a girl a break! I haven’t had a beach vacation in years…; it was a really fun time. As for the tattoo, we all had some college moments we would like to forget…”

Breaking News: Casey Thompson's Beaver Boots Are Hitting the Road

Season 3 finalist and all-around good sport Casey Thompson is leaving her position as executive chef at Dallas restaurant Shinsei. In what we promise will be the last time we use this excruciating pun, Casey was asked where she was going, but Shinsei. Good luck, bonne chance, and buena suerte, Beaver Boots. Vaya con Dios, or rather, con su cholo Jesus.

Casey Thompson’s Beaver Boots Will Walk All Over You (and the Riffraff)

Beaver Boots is back, possums, and how we've missed her.

Last season, as is our wont, we needled and teased and mocked Casey Thompson, but she had a good sense of humor and, after reading the blog, rolled with the punches. She definitely earned our respect and admiration, and was extremely gracious to (beaver) boot when our own Miss XaXa and The Big Shamu of The Karmic Kitchen went to Dallas and dropped in on her.

And now, in a new interview on Slashfood, Casey is, appropriately enough, doing a little slashing herself:

What do you think about this season of Top Chef? Are you watching?

I'm supposed to be blogging this season, but I have not have time. I've tried to sit down and watch the first couple shows. The third and fourth I could not get to. I was a little disgusted by their behavior. There are some really strong chefs but I also think there is a lot of riff-raff that they need to get through – those that don't seem to have the experience. They may have worked for some restaurant in New York City, but it may not have even been good. For some, I can't believe what they came up with, and I can't believe they haven't been eliminated yet. But I think that eventually once those clear out we are going to see some really good cooking from some of the better contestants.

Putting our Spelling Bee-atch cap on, we thought we detected a mistake. Isn't "riffraff" actually spelled "N-I-K-K-I C-A-S-C-O-N-E"?