Fabio Viviani: Danny Gagnon Is So Messy That I'd Rather Live with a Pig

Well, possums, we can't say we're surprised by Fabio's statement to the L.A. Times. Not a bit surprised, in fact. We shudder just to think of it.

Fabio also announces that his restaurant is "doing 40% more business than it did in 2007" (which seems better than when he told Bravo last week that "[i]n the last 6 months of 2008 [his] restaurant did over a 38% more in profit respect to the last 6 months of 2007").

Our favorite exchange includes a bit of nationalism and a declaration that signorino Viviani is in the pink:

Right. [Stefan Richter is] also not the only cocky one.
Amore, you have to understand that chefs are like rock stars. I’m like that too! The difference is that I’m Italian. I’m personable because I'm Italian. If I was American, it’d be different. You'd think the same way about me. Look, when I left Italy to move here, I had to sell my three restaurants to do it. If I was not confident I couldn’t have done that. You have to be confident in this business.

Why’d you get a Mohawk?
I change my hair cut every other day. I’m very extravagant in certain things. I never have matching socks. Chefs are like rock stars. They have to do something to wow and create buzz. It’s not good hair to have in the U.S. but quite frankly I don’t care. I got my pink scarf, pink socks, pink shoes...

Finally, he offered further confirmation that the boob tube will not be long without him: "I'm going be everywhere. For sure a little more TV. We have something in the making."

Fauxhawked amfAR TwinkleGay: Fabio Viviani Will Flirt with Anything That Moves; Stefan Richter, However, Appears to Have a “No Fats or Fems” Policy

We find it hard to believe, possums, that we had to wait until the season’s sixth episode of Top Chef before we saw a fauxhawk.

It came courtesy of amfAR employee Barry Brown, whose post on the Natasha Richardson-hosted reception we were delighted to find.

The post served only to augment our distrust of the Bravo editors, for—what do you know?—Barry, like Cheyenne Jackson, is another gay who doesn’t, um, like seafood (duh), but who nonetheless liked Jamie Lauren’s scallop dish. It’s a conspiracy, we tell ya. F’agcuse!

Most interesting of all, Barry had these tidbits to share:

“…Fabio's real talent lies in schmoozing people. He likes to flirt...[sic] with boys and girls. And that's probably how he does well in life. The food? Merely adequate.”

Oh possum, even E.M. Forster could have told you that.

Stefan’s chicken pot pie was a “[v]ery creative use of his inspiration. Too bad he didn't seem like he wanted to talk to me at all when I was tasting his dish. I obviously wasn't important enough. It just turned me off. His food was good. But again, it was nothing special. I could have made that at home and it would have been just as good.”

Meow!

We must say that we’re a little surprised. After all, we have the photo of Stefan kissing Danny Gagnon, who’s both a fat and a “phlegm.”

So, what’s the lesson to be learned, possums? Never piss off a gay in a red velvet jacket (especially Santa).

Amuse-Biatch Photoessay: Nativist Nimrod Allows Himself to Be Kissed by Arrogant European—a Dude!!—Twice!!

Amuse-Biatch Photoessay: Danny Gagnon Waves Goodbye as the Short Bus Pulls Away

Amuse-Biatch Photoessay: A Suet Pudding with a Merkin

Amuse-Biatch Photoessay: Danny Gagnon Triumphantly Displays the Results of His IQ Test

Amuse-Biatch Photoessay: Carla Hall’s Mushroom “J’Accuse!!”

New York Has One Less Mugger

Amuse-Biatch Photoessay: Black Flag Really Does Get Rid of Pests

America’s Least Wanted: Danny Gagnon Simply One More Mugger in New York

Ridden Hard and Put Away Wet: What Is It with People on Bravo Reality Shows Claiming to Be in Their 20s?

Amuse-Biatch Coming Attractions: Danny Gagnon Stars in “Silent But Deadly”

Photographic Evidence Clears Thick-Accented European of Anti-Americanism Charges Made by Thick-Accented Nativist with Mispronounced Foreign Surname

Possums, as even The New York Times has noted, there was a whiff of anti-European sentiment in this first episode the likes of which hasn’t been seen since the days of freedom fries. It’s like Gangs of New York all over again.

Here is our attempt at a phonetic transcription of the charges that brought this controversy to a simmer:

Fawbio and Stefawn, they think Americans are lowah than them, just by theah personality and what they say, I don’t understand the Amereecan tawk, you know. I’m like, Listen, braow, you’re in my backyahd. Fawbio and Stefawn can open theah mouths as much as they want. It’s just going to make them look unprofessional and immachoh.

These charges of anti-Americanism were made by Mayflower descendant John Smith—er, make that one Daniel Gagnon (hard “g,” if you please; wouldn’t want people to think it was a French or furrin last name).

Let us leave aside the fact that when the American talk comes from the mouth of Monsieur Gagnon, we don’t understand it either. Let us also leave aside the fact that “Fawbio” [Fabio Viviani] is married to an American woman, and lives in the Republican bastion of Ventura County, California, where his restaurant is located a skip and a hop from the site of the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library and the Rodney King verdict.

And we can afford to leave these things aside because we have incontrovertible proof that Monsieur Gagnon’s accusations of anti-Americanism on the part of Signore Viviani are baseless. To wit:



















How could anyone who so clearly enjoys dressing up as Wonder Woman even be suspected of anti-Americanism? What could be more American than Wonder Woman (or tattooing what looks like a dollar sign over one's heart)?

Well, how about Catwoman?
















In light of this overwhelming evidence, we demand that Monsieur Gagnon withdraw these groundless accusations immediately. For shame, Monsieur, for shame! After all, lest you forget, the title of this episode is “Melting Pot,” which we took to be a cultural allusion—unless, of course, it refers to Padma’s favorite, um, dish. So, Monsieur Gagnon, in the immortal words of the similarly Gallic-named En Vogue, freedom-fry your mind, and the rest will follow.

Amuse-Biatch Photoessay: Show Toons: The Impossible Dream: Don Queerjoto and Sancho Pauncha

And possums, does Danny Gagnon ever have a "panza"! It's the Belly of the Beast.