Once upon a time I used to make a toxic elixir astutely names Gutter Punch(TM). The dictionary meaning of elixir states that it is a sweetened aromatic solution of alcohol and water, serving as a vehicle for medicine. As I mentioned my elixir was toxic, thus having many more ingredients than alcohol and water. The recipe fell into unworthy hands and has now no doubt been watered down since the days when it was at its most potent.
The one thing I can say about the powerfully medicinal Gutter Punch was that it certainly cured all that ailed ya. In fact the more you ingested the more almighty the influence was. I know of a man who dove head first into an inner city garden hedge from a great height after being chased by security guards. Fortunately for him he had taken a 2L road pack of Gutter Punch with him on his adventure. He walked away unscathed due to Gutter Punch's domination. I witnessed a man (a very hairy French one, thus I chose to stop witnessing rather rapidly) take every stitch of clothing off and walk freely across a frosty cold Story Bridge in the middle of a torturous winter. No extremities had to be amputated. How could this be I hear you asking yourself. G P!
See for yourself...below is an old picture of me sampling my fine wares, look closer and you shall see one of my patients in the background just prior to going into what was referred to on the street as a GP cosmosis.
These days I am a much classier lass. Gone are the days of mixing up the brew and hauling it round town in 54L plastic garbage bins, with the brand name stylishly painted on the lid with white out. These days I stick to a 4 L limit. The name has changed, the look is new and the flavour is far more... adult.
My new summer mix goes under the name of sexshi summer sangri white (new and improved). By no means a secret recipe - so let me share the experience with you.
What you need:
- Summer fruits (depressed about the lack of strawberries round town today) Lots of citrus is good - lemons, limes, oranges. Also chuck in some berries, peaches and pineapple (I couldn't be bothered chopping peaches and pineapple today so I got the canned variety, not very macrobio I know)
- Nice white wine, cheap is totally ok. In my uneducated opinion, they are all much the same until you hit a ridiculous price limit so go for the cutest bottle/ nicest label/ fav country...anything will be great. Today I was feeling Parisian.
- Dry ginger ale
- Other white spirits - today I was sticking with the euro theme I got Dita Lychee splash and Beefeater gin. In the past I have added Absolut Vodka and a peachy splash.
- Light flavoured juice. I found it tricky to get anything but OJ - I do not like to add OJ, it reminds me of vomit and it adds too much colour, taking away from the clear sparkling look.
- A clear jug so you can see all the wonderful colours.
Wash, chop and sample all the yummy fruits.
Fill the jugs with the fruits, marvel at their gorgeousness and then begin to pour the liquids in. My advice is go heavy on the grog, light on the juice. The way I see it, fruits are made of juice and it will come out of the fruit when it's good and ready.
Give the ingredients a good swish around, get it mingling. Some recipes call for a cup o sugar. I personally think it makes the divine concoction a lil too sweet, but as you like. Then whip the jugs into the fridge or freezer depending on the amount of time you have before the party.
Oh there is one more very important step. The taste test. Very important not only to sample the flavour but to be fully aware of the effects your refreshing beverage might have.
The first sip of my new batch morphed me into my 54 year old mother. I am sure this is just a phase and I will be strip teasing in the church next door in no time - just before I tottle off to this evening lovely garden party.
This is why I would be fired if I ever tried to work in any establishment that serves liquor. I successfully broke one cork screw off in the cork and fought furiously with the next for a good ten minutes. Laughing as I pretended I was opening the bottle in an exquisite french restaurant.
I only wish that big L was here to sample the sexshi summer sangri white with us
Hope the White House is treating you well big L! Come home safely!
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